It may come in an oddly effete triangular glass, with an annoyingly fussy garnish, but ever since James Bond, the martini has had bestowed upon it a bizarre air of masculinity. You may be able to hold your lager, and name every single one of Sussex’s many local ales, but if you can’t mix a martini, well, are you a real man?
The rule is to think dryness. Yes, it’s a liquid, but it also needs to be a dustbowl of a drink that is drier than a desert. And it needs to be cold, so start by chilling both the glass and the vermouth for at least an hour (all good things come to those who wait, remember).
Take your chilled glass and dribble the tiniest drop of vermouth into it, swilling it around so that the sides are coated, and then throw out any remaining liquid. Spear an olive, drop it into the glass, then pour some gin into a shaker with some ice and shake it like a man possessed. Strain the gin into the glass and you’re good to go. Accessorise, of course, with your best Sean Connery accent.